When do I Walk? When do I Roll?

The strange reality of fatigue.

I’ve been pondering a “mobility device” ever since chemo last year. This house has long halls, and during chemo it was genuinely difficult to walk from end to end. At times I’d just sit down on the floor and wait out the fatigue. They told me not to use a walker, that it would make things even harder. On chemo low days, I’d mostly stay in my room, and just getting to the bathroom took real effort.

I’m not in a position where I need a mobility device all that often. I didn’t want a Hoveround-style chair because they look like a rolling potato holder, something often used by the ultra-lazy, and I didn’t want to be perceived as such. And besides, the perception is somewhat correct. Come on, you do think they look like potato holders, don’t you? It’s not that everyone who uses one is lazy, but the reality is, people think, “Get your ass out of that thing” when they see them and they are frequently overused.

Over-reliance on that sunset sled would, in fact, be lazy on my part. I know it, and for that reason, they scare me a little. Besides, when you use one and then stand up, the reaction is like Trump at a metal concert: it’s going to be mixed, and some will boo and call you names. Yet it can be the difference between getting out and not getting out.

I don’t like to talk about my medical stuff, but I’m currently taking several medications that create fatigue as a byproduct. They kick your ass in a way that’s hard to describe. It’s like strapping a couple of corn sacks to your body; you’re mentally alert, but you chug through what should be an easy walk.

The funny thing about these meds is that the fatigue isn’t consistent. If I swim a lot one day, and I swim like a marlin, the next day I’ll likely be a noodle for a chunk of the day. The nurses say I should push through fatigue, and I do, but I still have days where even my watch tells me my heart rate is too high and to chill out. The fatigue always lifts at some point and I rarely have it for 24 hours straight. Then I feel normal again and I’m walking around like nothing ever happened.

So I started looking at mobility chairs that didn’t look like mobility chairs, for those moments when I could use one. The more invisible, the better. As I did my research, come to find out there are a lot of men and women like me; “betweeners” who don’t want or need a full-time scooter. They don’t want to look like an electric potato either.

The popular chair for exactly this reason is the Whill C2. Whill was at CES a few years ago and I played around with one. Who knew it would someday be a consideration? They’re popular precisely because they look techie, not like a permanent thing and they don’t have the same image.

This year at CES, I came across an entirely new chair called the Strutt EV1, still in development at the time. It was loaded with lidar, cameras, and sensors, and could do far more than just roll around without hitting things. It had a price tag of $7,499, but at CES they were offering $2,000 off on a preorder. So I thought, why not drop a deposit and see what happens when it finally ships?

It finally shipped.

I have mixed feelings about receiving the thing later this week. I’m heading to the air show at Oshkosh which means miles of walking, and it will arrive just in time. I won’t have to rent the usual bright red graveyard golf cart, even though I needed one last year and managed to keep my dignity the entire week. This one lets you walk while it follows a few feet behind, like that embarrassing friend. There will be pictures. Oh, maybe not.

I didn’t post any pics of me last year, but the scooter made a difference in my getting out. I used it less and less as the week progressed, as I got the walking down, and I’m expecting the same this year with the EV1. I’ll write more about it, assuming I still feel like I have my dignity. But note: this is not my daily thing. I have no full-time need for one. I love walking, and I intend to keep walking as long as possible.

It’s a rolling contradiction. I want one, I don’t want one. I see it like a drug. If I rely on it too much, it can also harm me. If I rely on it too little, well maybe I won’t get out. The conflict in my head is a real thing and we’re probably all going to face it at some point. Wish me luck.